The other day I had just finished nursing you and was sitting in bed in the late morning. As the church bells outside played a song you laid their in a milk induced coma and I stared at you thinking about all the things about you that I loved. I listed them in my head: your little feet and toes, your smiles-even your sleeping smiles, the way you always seem to say 'ah' right when it would be appropriate to say 'yeah' (it's like you always have my back, lol). I love how you stretch oh so big when you are waking up and how in the night you will stretch out your legs to warm your toes on my tummy or stretch out and arm to make sure it is mommy that is next to you.
You are growing up so quickly right before my eyes! You are noticing the bells now too when they play and you are awake. You cock your ear towards the window to listen. This amazes me. You are so interested in sounds. The other day, grandma was standing behind the couch that we were sitting on. When she started talking you were so interested you used all the strength you had to climb up my chest and tried getting up on my shoulder to see what was going on back there. You get hiccups all the time and you aren't a fan. You would much prefer laying chest to chest with me or daddy. Sometimes when you do this I sigh just because I know it will make you sigh because you are copying my breathing.
All this time you have been doing well being held by other people and at sometimes even preferred daddy over me so I was only slightly concerned about how you would handle me returning to work. However, since I have been working on you spending more time with grandpa and me not being around you have become ridiculously attached. Maybe it was in there the whole time, I don't know. But, it is clear to me that you understand that your little world is changing and you do not like it. After being gone for a 3 1/2 hour work meeting you latched yourself to my breast and would not leave it for over an hour and a half! Even after that you just wanted to snuggle for the rest of the day. This is really unusual as your normally are a squirm worm who gets bored and needs to play all the time. That next day we slept in together and you were overjoyed! Once you finally woke up for the day and realized we were back to the old routine you were all smiles, squeaks, and coos.
This bothers me. I know that I cannot handle staying at home full-time. Not just financially, but for my own sanity. I just can't be the kind of person, it isn't in me which is funny since in highschool I thought the ultimate goal in life was to be able to be a stay at home mom. I wish you could be as attached to daddy as you were at the start since he will be home with you a lot. I am also starting to worry about you and the bottles. I am hoping that it goes smoothly and you don't start refusing to breastfeed. Daddy thinks this is a silly worry and he is probably right, but non the less. Thank goodness my body reacts well to the pump. I hear some people can't use a pump so I am counting my blessings there. And then there is my fear that you will be so upset with me for being gone all day that you will reject me all together. You have quite a personality so I wouldn't put it past you. I am so thankful that I will be working back into full time slowly so she can get used to it gradually.
In other news, your daddy and I have decided to switch you to all cloth, not just gdiapers. I worry about the chemicals in the regular diapers and also how much space they take up in landfields. Grandma and I took a trip to the fabric store and both enough to make a few pocket diapers to try it out. I am going to just use prefolds and the insert. You are moving right along development wise and I am trying to find a good way to track it all. Maybe part of this journal for you?
You are growing bored with daddy now. Looks like it is time for me to play.
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